I was nine years old. I was roller-skating in the house, which was absolutely forbidden. I was skating down the hallway on top of the world with my new skates, and my new haircut, which everybody thought was a Dorothy Hamill but was actually a Pete Rose. Anyway, I needed to go to the bathroom but the door was locked. My recently divorced Aunt had moved in with us and I was sharing a bathroom with her. To be prepared, I tried to take my underpants off over my roller skates. I slipped and as I fell, I pulled down this poster of the singer Tom Jones that my Aunt had put up. My mom heard the noise, ran and found me squirming under the Tom Jones poster with my underpants around my ankles. It didn’t look good, Jack. She thought I did it on purpose, and she didn’t say a word. She just went in my room and took all my posters. Grizzly Adams, Larry Wilcox, Han Solo, Tug Mcgraw, Mike Schmidt, Kermit, Gunther Gebel Williams. She took all the people away, Jack! SEX MAKES THE PEOPLE GO AWAY!

  1. librariantics reblogged this from heytinafey and added:
    Tears of laughter, streaming down my face.
  2. psychedeliz reblogged this from heytinafey
  3. ohiwish reblogged this from heytinafey
  4. chickenfingerswithspicyclubsauce reblogged this from going-to-scranton
  5. wendibago reblogged this from monsterlines
  6. monsterlines reblogged this from thebrigadier
  7. spaced-incisor reblogged this from neuroticmarshmallow
  8. sairacv reblogged this from thebrigadier
  9. ladyfreshcigarettes reblogged this from neuroticmarshmallow
  10. thebrigadier reblogged this from neuroticmarshmallow
  11. theswimmerking reblogged this from for-brighter-days
  12. highfivesinyoureyes reblogged this from princessest
  13. hurricane-kali reblogged this from getyourassbeat and added:
    NOT KERMIT!
  14. going-to-scranton reblogged this from getyourassbeat
  15. myrememberall reblogged this from for-brighter-days
  16. for-brighter-days reblogged this from darlingismyfallontine
  17. makes-me-free reblogged this from princessest
  18. kanbinayume reblogged this from patrickdempseys
  19. patrickdempseys reblogged this from princessest
  20. darlingismyfallontine reblogged this from princessest
  21. fromoneroomaway reblogged this from dancersaurus
  22. dancersaurus reblogged this from feyminism
  23. heytinafey posted this

theme by mcpoyles